idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
