Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
