I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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