Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize