i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
