meet me or not, i'm out of control
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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