I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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