i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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