I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
