Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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