I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What drink are we having for lunch?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
