gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
