I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
