A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
