your parents love me but you hate me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
