Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
