I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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