im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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