new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
