The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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