how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
