Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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