It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
