You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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