Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
