She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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