just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
