i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
