I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
