Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
