I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
