Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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