based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Randomize
