She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
His hands were made for my vagina.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This toilet bowl is my home.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
