Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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