DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
