How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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