I'm so fucking centered right now
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
