Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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