i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
