what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
