Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So squirting runs in the family.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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