Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
