i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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