The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
