i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
