I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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