remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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