my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
