I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i've created a new STD.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
