if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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