Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
