Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just tell him i said nine months
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
