I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
