I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
try to milk me bitch
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
