She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
