We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
