They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
