no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize