I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize