the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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