Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize