so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
