no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
