If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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