You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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