i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
