um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
