you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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