Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
