I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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