I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
