I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am puke
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
