I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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